Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
