why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
smell my finger.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
