i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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