he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
