She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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