So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
