Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
