So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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