boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
worst night to have a conscience
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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