Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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