A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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