someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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