Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
