so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
