The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
