youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
