is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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