On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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