That reminds me...we need to get swords
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
