Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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