AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
