I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
