How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
