God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
worst night to have a conscience
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
