You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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