What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
