6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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