Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
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its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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