Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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