He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
