Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
