Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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