OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
