Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
