When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
