I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He kissed a someone with a penis
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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