it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
