My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
