Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
