Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
