when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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