He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
