I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
