She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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