He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
