So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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