I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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