Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
