Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.