when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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