he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid