either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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