Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.