Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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