Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
be right there i have to get my cape
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
