every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize