i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
