It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
