my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize