Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
