i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
