So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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