My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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