She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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