The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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