(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
