Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
