A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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