i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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