Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.